Friday, March 03, 2006

The Average Dan Brown Novel

I just finished reading the Dan Brown novel The Da Vinci Code. This man seems to have quite a knack for spinning yarns of the fourth kind. So far, I have read three of his novels, Angels and Demons, Digital Fortress and the afore mentioned. The one thing the man is good at is being persuasive. His writings are like the voice of Saruman.

His first book of the 'genre' he is following at present was the Digital Fortress. He then went on to write other Deception Point, Angels and Demons, and all the other brain busting nonsense he could come up with. One thing that has to be said is that he learns well from past experiences. The Digital Fortress dealt with a lot of physical and currently happening things, thereby leading to a lot of controversies, by which Spain even invited him to a free tour of their country to prove to him how good the health-care, transport and telephone systems were. In this book, the actual locations and descriptions of many buildings and monuments were contested and proven to be wrong.

Our Danny fellow seems to have realized his mistakes since then. He has decided to write stuff that no one would actually bother to verify because they are too tough to verify!!! In those rare places he does provide actual references to real objects or people he now does his homework more thoroughly.

The first book that I read was the Angels and Demons. Here, I thought I had an inclination of the subject but was unwilling to jump to conclusions having not read him before. Then I read Digital Fortress and was able to quite identify the plot and the ending. A person with a higher IQ and General Knowledge would have done far better! The Da Vinci Code was written when he was at the peak of his form and I was not able to identify the exact course of the plot, but was saying "Hmmm, must have guessed that earlier..." because that's how any Dan Brown book goes about.

What happens in a Dan Brown Novel :

1. The Hero wakes up to a ringing phone in the wee ours of the morning only to be intimated of a gruesome murder.

2. Our Hero goes to the spot immediately and is given the arduous task of identifying the killer(s).

3. Suspicion may or may not fall on our Hero. However, he takes to his heels, picking up a girlfriend along the way.

4. He is followed close behind by "authorities" whoever they maybe, whom he regularly looses and regains.

5. The story is punctuated with a needless chase by an anonymous or irrelevant character whom we could have done without.

6. The Hero's boss or superior or friend who directs him in escaping turns out to be a traitor.

7. That the helper is a traitor is revealed to our Hero by a mistake kindergarteners would not have done.

8. Our Hero crosses international borders as if they were the doorsteps to the local public toilet.

9. Our Hero solves ancient mysteries within minutes by just glancing at clues.

10. The storyline makes use of non-existent scientific theories and principles to great effect.

11. Our Hero correctly identifies that great personalities of the past belonged to secret societies with pointless rituals.

12. Our Hero solves the mystery and "saves the world" in the nick of the moment.

13. Barely twenty-four hours after the adventure begins, our Hero and his new found girlfriend are turning in for the night.

14. The back cover of the book consists of a secret code that when deciphered, reveals the titles of the books yet to be released by the author that would further refer to future books, all having the same storyline.

15. While all other authors put out a disclaimer at the front accepting responsibility for any factual errors, our Hero (Here I mean Dan Brown) says "The Priori of sion really exsists, and has had many prominent members including Galileo, Michealangelo, Jesus Christ, Napoleon, Alexander, Mata Hari, Mussolini, Gandhi, Nehru, and Laloo Prasad Yadav...." Future books may come out with claims that a so-and-so secret society had a member from a planet called Krypton and go on to claim that there really was a Superman who still lives in an obscure town called Manhattan working for a village TV Station called CNN.

Well thats all isn't it? When The Solomon Key comes out, just take the basic concept involved and juxtapose it with the above outlined "protocol" and Presto! You have the story!

Yours Illuminati,
Sundar

16 comments:

navneeth said...

ur exaggrating dan brown's da vinci code is the best selling bookand soon a movie based on the book is to be released for over a year i think he is brilliant

Sundar said...

I am not exaggerating. He's the one doing all the exaggerating. Just do an internet search and the number of websites that constantly disprove him will fascinate you.

navneeth said...

many people are jealous of his success

navneeth said...

why should i give u treat u are the one who should give the treat

Sundar said...

What do you mean...you cleared DS didnt you?
So you are the one who must give the treat!!!

And no, why should I be jealous of his success? I am not his competitor. I just am pointing out that his way of writing is "Kaadhula Poo Sothardhu"

navneeth said...

iam not talking about u being jealous iam talking about the various websites that oppose his books

navneeth said...

i just scraped through DS u got 78% u should give the treat

Sundar said...

I never got 78% I got only a measly 77.4. So you are the one who should be giving the treat. You, while reading his books blindly agree with whatever he says. That is not to be done dude. He makes a lot of mistakes even in factual accuracies. Yet, he does not even put up a disclaimer stating that any factual errors that may exists are entirely his own. There's only so far you can go under the cover of artistic licence. For Eg., you just cant go ahead and say that Spain has no public transport whatever and call that "artistic licence". He is a lame limelight hogger.

navneeth said...

First of all wats the difference in 78% and 77.4% and brilliant people don't need disclaimers

Mahesh said...

aiyya english bookukum enakkum aagadu.But i will try to read it to make myself fit for similar posts in the future.
And who is navneeth?

Sundar said...

So, Dan Brown doesn't need disclaimers? So, is it ok with you if he were to come to you and say that India is the land of snake charmers, ignorant farmers, evil voodoo practioners and foolish drafter breakers? There is a limit to everything. He must agree that factual errors may exist in his book, instead of claiming that all that he says are true. (which is a childish way of ensuring that more copies are sold).

Incidentally, this is the first time I have got comments in double digits. (though mine make up 5!!!)

Dei read English books da, but dont start with Dan Brown. Navneeth is my classmate in MNMJEC known for his expert handling of drafters.

Sundar said...

So, Dan Brown doesn't need disclaimers? So, is it ok with you if he were to come to you and say that India is the land of snake charmers, ignorant farmers, evil voodoo practioners and foolish drafter breakers? There is a limit to everything. He must agree that factual errors may exist in his book, instead of claiming that all that he says are true. (which is a childish way of ensuring that more copies are sold).

Incidentally, this is the first time I have got comments in double digits. (though mine make up 5!!!)

Dei read English books da, but dont start with Dan Brown. Navneeth is my classmate in MNMJEC known for his expert handling of drafters.

Sundar said...

Second Para of prev post addressed to Mahesh.
Cheers.

Sundar said...

I meant "prev comment" in my previous comment!!!
cheers

Sundar said...

sorry...a comment seems to have appeared twice...dunno how that could have happened...
Why isn't any one else commenting? I thought this would spark off a few comments among dan brown's fans!!!

Marc Z said...

I felt the same after reading his other books. Thankfully I read The Da Vinci Code first.