Random Thought Processes

What not to do on the NH

2009-12-12T22:28:00.000+05:30

Greetings. I know I haven't updated my blog properly in a while, and there are a lot of things that've happened that are worth mentioning, like the trip to Delhi and Manali, and the project party etc, but I guess, we'll save the lighter ones for later and plunge head first into the darker news on my personal front.

Friday evening found me slogging away at work. Whatever I was trying to build wasn't working and whatever had already been working was breaking. At about 9.30 PM, which is when you reach your wit's end, I fired off an email to everyone saying that whatever has come to pass is what has come to pass, and left for the day. I traipsed down to the food court, and met KK. After a quick bite, we started. On my trusty steed, and faithful stallion, my motor-cycle.

The ride back was good because traffic was sparse, visibility was good, there were no annoying cross winds. And so we breezed down all the way from Paranur till Irumbuliyur. We'd gone about half a kilometer past the Perungalathur bridge when we reached a small gap in the median strip. And this taxi zoomed out of nowhere, came in through it and parked itself perpendicularly in my path. With hardly 15 feet to go, and me doing about 40kmph, I stomped on my brakes with all my vigor, knowing full well it was an exercise in futility. The bike slowed a bit, and the brakes locked, but I made sure I kept the bike straight till the end.

We crashed straight into the side of the taxi. The front wheel, the fender, and the headlights took most of the impact. I guess I managed to turn my head to the side at the last minute, and the forward right side of my helmet took the impact with the car. I remember feeling a dull thud as we crashed.

The next thing I know, we're lying smack in the middle of the National Highway, between a car and a shattered bike, with blinding headlights all around. My bike was still running, the engine whining sickeningly. 3-4 people came running in. Two helped us off the asphalt, one put the bike in neutral, turned it off and pushed it out onto the embankment. Yet another grabbed my bike, helmet and spectacles. Good Samaritans. They vanished into the inky blankness of the night. Doubt I'll ever see them again.

I was in one piece, was able to move all parts of my body, so was KK.

The taxi driver stayed back to help too. He gave us water, and offered us shelter from the drizzle that'd now started in his vehicle. I'd meanwhile called my dad and asked him to come over. We put the bike in the taxi-driver's house itself, and made our way to the Hindu Mission Hospital. The driver didn't start any arguments about who was right and wrong, Humdullilah.

I needed to stitch up my forehead because the helmet managed to absorb only so much of the shock, which I got done. We also got an x-ray each of KK's right hand, which probably banged against the car, we're not sure, and my right leg, which started swelling up suddenly right on the operation table. Nothing broken!

All in all a purely miraculous escape!

I remember the moments before the impact vividly. As I braked, I heard my own engine revving, and KK's grip on my shoulder tightening. KK remembers me calling to him to watch out. And then a crunch followed by a thump. Amazing how vivid it is!

Reached home at 1.30 in the morning.

Mr. Taxi driver, although you did manage to redeem yourself a bit with all the help you rendered, I wish in future, you'd look both sides before putting your car across an highway, I wish you'd use the indicator lights, and I hope you wouldn't be drunk, which is what you appeared to be. (You probably were only tired, I'm willing to concede that though).

Right now on a myriad of tablets for the next week. Moral of the story: Never work late :)

Over and out.

The hunter's war chant

2009-12-06T22:44:00.000+05:30

At last I managed to do it. I ruined my weekend in the process, but at last I have managed to do it! I managed to figure out the strange mumblings at the start of the puli urumudhu song in vettaikaran!

Sambalabala Sibbate Siddhi salabala ganta
Nimba swapana sindha hamsa halala ganda
Viddhi shalala gumba shobbi shalalaga bette
Om shanti shanti he.

Over and out.

My epiphany

2009-10-08T23:50:00.001+05:30

I had an epiphany riding into work this morning. Getting into hell is easy, but you've to work hard to get into heaven, because there is an highway to hell, but only a stairway to heaven.

More Earworms!

2009-09-02T14:23:00.001+05:30

I managed to hit upon the basic tune of the Panivizhum malarvanam song from some old Karthik movie while playing around with my bro's guitar.

And I was hooked. I downloaded the song, and now its on a loop both in winamp, and in my head.

Here you go:

Panivizhum malarvanam un paarvai oru varam
inivarum munivarum thadumaarum kanimaram

saelai moodum ilanjoalai maalai soodum malarmaalai(2).
irubadhu nilavugal nagamengum olividum
hey hey ilamaiyin kanavugal vizhiyoaram thulirvidum
kaigal idaigalil neligayil, idaiveli kuraigayil, eriyum vilakku sirithu kangal moodum

(panivizhum)

kaaman kovil siraivaasam, kaalai ezhunthal parigasam(2)
thazuvidum pozithile, idam maarum idhayame
hey hey viyarviyin mazhailae payiraagum paruvamae
aadum idaigalil vazhigira nilavoli iruvizhi
mazhaiyil nanaindhu magizhum vaanambaadi

(panivizhum)

Shamelessly copy pasted from some place on the net.

I especially like the part where the singer goes kaigal idaigalil neligayil, idaiveli kuraigayil, eriyum vilakku sirithu kangal moodum

LINQ

2009-08-16T18:28:00.002+05:30

I was bored, and I realized that this blog was desperately in need of resuscitation (once again) and so I decided to post on whatever I was doing right now, which happened to be experimenting with LINQ. Now, I've only just started, so I think I'll put up some basic commands here.

List list = new List();
for (int i = 0; i < 10; i++)
list.Add(i);

IEnumerable oddIntegers = from inte in list where inte % 2 != 0 select inte;
foreach (int integer in oddIntegers)
MessageBox.Show(integer.ToString());

On second thoughts, I am not going to be putting up anything here. You can do a better job looking it up somewhere :)

Sundar.

Sundar's Guide to Corporate E-Mail Writing

2009-06-06T12:13:00.005+05:30

This article will give you an heads up on how best to write emails in any corporate culture, and live to tell the tale.

1. Open any email client
Usually this is Microsoft Outlook, and therefore this discussion assumes Outlook as the software being used.

2. Type in the subject
In the Sub: field, type in the subject of your email. Experts say this should not be more than three words. However, it should be bombastic enough to capture the attention of the folks lazing it out onsite, so it doesn't really matter if it doesn't make any sense. Suppose you were writing to the Electricity Board regarding frequent power outages, do not say "Frequent Power Cuts" in the subject line because they'd have gotten a million mails with the same subject, and probably would have automatically forwarded them to their junk folder. Therefore, go in for something that'd keep them sufficiently confused, like "Electron Flow Deficiency". You could of course, try something innovative, like "Brazilian Bikini Girls", but that really is your call.

3.Salutation
Gone are the days when we wrote long winding leave letters beginning with "Respected Sir/Madam, As I was suffering from...".
These days all you do is start off with a simple 'Hi'. Then, you type in the first name of the addressee. Even if he/she happens to be the Supreme Commander of the Imperial Forces. Something like "Hi Darth" should do fine!

4. Type in the message
You had it easy so far. All you did was type in three random words. Now comes the tough part. You have to compose a KISS email. Hang on! Before you go into rhapsodies, you have to know that KISS is an acronym for Keep It Short and Simple. That is really hard, because till last year you were writing 44 page long epics on obscure quality practices in Total Quality Management. There is also the added problem of making the email sound like you've been working your ass off when in reality you've been experimenting with ways to make the coffee dispenser churn out more milk.
Don't worry! There is a simple trick to get around this conundrum: Throw in as many acronyms as possible. Masters of email writing usually start with a simple 'FYI', which stands for 'For Your Information'. (I think. No one's really sure) Alternative beginnings include PFB (Please Find Below), (Yeah, like I didn't know I'd find the message below), and PFA (Please Find Attached). The usage of the last one is highly not recommended unless you have a spreadsheet full of random numbers and column headers like "Net planned/unplanned task efforts ratio" to send in.
Now, think hard on what productive work you've done since morning. It's not much, I know, but every little bit counts.
Right, you spent the morning reading Harry Potter erotica. Here's what you say:
Analyzed the FSD (Functional Specification Document) and the existing code to enumerate the list of changes to be made to include said enhancement into the product. Documented the dependencies and regression defects likely to be injected and have checked the file into the network. Then, rename the said Harry Potter book as "Dependencies and likely Regression Defects Injected by Enhancement No 4.3.72" and check it in. Trust me, no-one's ever going to open that document.
There, you've accounted for the morning. Of course, you then went and took your two hour lunch break.
What next?
You created an empty class at 2 P.M in a fit of workaholism. You typed out the name of the class, opened a curly bracket, pressed the carriage return down a couple of times, and closed it. How do you describe that? Suppose the class was called UserInteractionMonitor, this is what you type in: Created a concrete wrapper class called UserInteractionMonitor that implements the IUserInteractionMonitor interface and implemented the methods exposed by the interface.
Although you've made a couple of striking points, you still run the risk of being accused of shirking work (not without reason), so you need something that really clinches the deal. It's easy. Open all available documentation. Some Star Trek obsessed geek in the client's IT team is bound to have created a method called FutileResistance() whose sole function would be to display the message "This is the Borg. You'll be assimilated. Resistance is futile." All you have to do is to put an issue in the issue tracker saying that this method couldn't be used by you and that you were not able to figure out its purpose, and that it wasn't part of the design, and that it was stopping you from your work.
There you've said what you did today. But what do you plan to do tomorrow? Continuing in the previous vein, this is what you say:
"Going forward, (this phrase is absolutely essential in any email. More important than the subject), we'll be working on the User Interaction Monitor pending clarification on the functionality of the FutileResistance() method.
Presto! Your message is ready!

5. Sign
Yours truly, yours sincerely, faithfully, obediently, and all that jazz are a little dated. Damn those English classes that drilled such stuff into my head. All you have to put in is "thanks", or perhaps "thanks and regards", and type in half your first name, or whatever it is everyone calls you.

6. To
Put in the email ids of all the people you think should read this mail.

7. Cc
The email ids of all those people who do not need to look at this email, but must be given the pretense of respect.

8. Bcc
Your girlfriend. You don't have one I know, but still :)

Here is a sample email...

From Sundar.sarang.07@gempire.com
To Dart.Vader@gempire.com
cc Palpatine@gempire.com; Sate@gempire.com

Sub Jedi Invasion

Msg
Hi Darth,
PFB updates for today.
An old Jedi Master, Obi Wan Kenobi has boarded the Ship.
FYI, he wields a colorful tubelight which he thinks will slay random robots.
Going forward, you'll feel him in the Force.
So far, he has damaged three relay conduits and beheaded a robot. We have raised an issue with the damage control team who'll be replacing the said components before EOD. PFA the damage assessment report.
We fired three support staff today because we found their lack of faith disturbing.
We are also facing slow connectivity with the engineering division. Please look into it and do the needful.

Thanks & regards,
Sundar
Chief Commander, Vetti Timepass Division.

I was bored

2009-05-22T22:35:00.000+05:30

So, I posted this. Die, all ye evil fiends who behold this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_ZOanmYJMM&feature=related

Autofellows galore!

2009-05-17T11:34:00.001+05:30

This is the mail that is making rounds in my office for the past two days.

Superstar's song for those who do not understand English:

I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only

I found it extremely funny.

Achak means achak only, gumuk means gumuk only, that takes the cake!

Edit: Listen to the original song if you wanna.

Define Triboluminescence

2009-04-21T19:41:00.000+05:30

Richard Feynman, in Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman, narrates the following in a chapter called O Americano, Outra Vez!, where he talks about his experiences teaching in Brazil:

...Then they asked, "When light comes at an angle through a sheet of material with a certain thickness, and a certain index N, what happens to the light?"

"It comes out parallel to itself, sir -displaced."

"And how much is it displaced?"

"I don't know sir, but I can figure it out." So he figured it out. He was very good, but by this time, I had my suspicions.

After the exam, I went up to this bright young man, and explained to him that I was from the United States, and that I wanted to ask him some questions that would not affect the results of his exam in any way. The first question I ask is, "Can you give me some example of a diamagnetic substance?"

"No."

Then I asked, "If this book was made of glass, and I was looking at something on the table through it, what would happen to the image if I tilted the glass?"

"It would be deflected sir, by twice the angle that you've turned the book."

I said, "You haven't got it mixed up with a mirror, have you?"

"No, sir!"

He had just told me in the examination that the light would be displaced, parallel to itself, and therefore the image would move over to one side, but would not be turned by any angle. He had even figured out how much it would be displaced, but he didn't realize that a piece of glass is a material with an index, and that his calculation had applied to my question...

Another excerpt:

...One other thing that I could never get them to do was to ask questions. Finally a student explained it to me: "If I ask you a question during the lecture, afterwards, everybody will be telling me, 'What are you wasting our time for in the class? We're trying to learn something. And you're stopping him by asking a question.'"

It was a kind of one-upmanship, where nobody knows what's going on, and they'd out the other one down as if they did know. They all fake that they know, and if one student admits that something is confusing for a moment by asking a question, the others take a high-handed attitude, acting as if it's not confusing at all, telling him that he's wasting their time...

Yet another excerpt:

...So, I came in, carrying the elementary physics textbook that they used in the first year of college. They thought this book was especially good because it had different kinds of typeface-bold black for the most important things to remember and so on...

..."I have discovered something else," I continued, "By flipping the pages at random, and putting my finger in and reading the sentences on that page, I can show you what's the matter-how it's not science, but memorizing, in every circumstance. Therefore, I am brave enough to flip through the pages now, in front of this audience, to put my finger in, to read, and to show you."

So I did it. Brrrrrrrup -I stuck my finger in, and I started to read: "Triboluminescence. Triboluminescence is the light emitted when crystals are crushed..."

I said, "And there, have you got science? No! You have only told what a word means in terms of other words. You haven't told anything about nature -what crystals produce light when you crush them, why they produce light. Did you see any student go home and try it? He can't.

"But if, instead, you were to write, 'When you take a lump of sugar and crush it with a pair of pliers in the dark, you can see a bluish flash. Some other crystals do that too. Nobody knows why. The phenomenon is called "triboluminescence."' Then someone will go home and try it... "

Now, in my humble opinion, the education system in India is definitely better than this (Brazil in the 50s or 60s I think), but not too far ahead. I was able to relate to a lot of what was said above, from my own experiences in school. A lot of education here is still rote learning based, and no one knows exactly what they are learning.

Pity, don't you think?

Random Blog Update

2009-03-21T11:08:00.000+05:30

Training got over at last and I was posted (un)fortunately to my home town. Problem is, my work place is some 30 kilometers from my home and in the middle of nowhere. I'm one of the lucky fellows. A few people have to travel 60 kms just to get to work. It's a bit of a bore trying to get at 8 AM to some place that was formerly where untreatable lepers were banished to. More so because I have no work to do there. As yet. I'll get a system and a cubicle allocated to me by monday hopefully. No one's chuffed spending nine hours in the food court.

Things will get better from next week. Hopefully.

Bye for now!

I was tagged!

2009-01-23T19:55:00.001+05:30

Karthik was completely vetti, and he tagged me. Which means I have to write answers to some of the questions he was forced to answer, and then force 6 other people to answer them too. And generally make a bad name for myself, which happens to be one of my few proficiencies. So, here goes.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Leave.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Eternal holiday in some island, great music, cute girls.. -The works.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
Anyone's that presents itself ideally... Kicking other people's butts is quite entertaining. So, never miss opportunities.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Spend it. I always end up spending all my money without having a clue as to where it went. So, I am confident in my capability of spending a billion dollars without ever noticing it. Charity might just about feature somewhere in there.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Usually I'd pretend not to notice when someone asks such questions. Anyway, why not? (I'm assuming my best friend is a girl here)

6. Original Q: Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I'm ok with either one, as long as there is sex involved. :) Um, ok, bad joke. Being loved is cool no?

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Rest of my (short miserable) life, and all that jazz. But I'll be having fun doing the things I love to do.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Get attached to someone else. It only was a secret no? So, no major slagging to be endured :)

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
Bips, Namita, etc etc.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Gravity is the first answer that comes to my mind. Well, I'm sure thats not the answer you want to hear, so, lemme take a shot at something more cheesy: An idle mind is the devil's workshop. I become terribly irritated, depressed, bored, and generally extremely pissed off with the world whenever I'm idle. That's what takes me down the fastest. I'm ok as long as I have something on my hands.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Hopefully, having fun.

12. What’s your fear?
Physical violence. Being the runt that I have always been, I've had quite a few fights where I've come off second best. It isn't a great feeling, I assure you.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
He tagged me, and not only that, asked such lame, miserable questions. So, I do have a few opinions, which I'd like not to air, because, his mummy paavam, and his daddy paavam too.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Rich. Single, or married, I don't care.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Snooze the alarm clock a couple of times. Then drag myself out of bed. Make critical decisions as to whether there's time for a bath. :) There, anyone reading this isn't going to stray within 10 metres of me now. Then have breakfast. (Never skip that one though) and make the most crucial decision of the day: Should I go back to bed anyway?

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
All? No. Some here and there. Never all.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Inky pinky ponky, father had a donkey, someone died, somebody cried, inky pinky ponky. Then pick the one with the bigger boobs. Um, there's got to be some criteria no? Ok, scratch that last sentence out. I'll pick the one with better common sense.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Wish I could, but I know I can't. So, I won't. (I mean, if I can't, I won't either, will I?)

19. If its your last day and you have one call to make, whom would you call? Dont tell me your mom. Someone else. (Original qn:What are your three most important expectations in love )
I'd call my mobile service provider, and say: You can't trouble me anymore with offers of bank loans, and extended call timings, and slashed rates, and free sex etc... nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah. What else? You put out the mom option.

Three most important expectations in love:
1. No conditions. Unconditional love.. You know? That most cliched saying of all time.
2. Follow expectation 1 sincerely.
3. Follow expectation 1 sincerely. (redundancy included just in case you skipped to the 3 expectation directly. It tends to happen when people are reading boring blog posts. Especially the ones that result from tagging)

20. List 6 people to tag:
1. Raja Deepak (He probably wont notice this anyway)
2. Dickie (Less commonly known as Arun M)
3. Visu
4. Pilps (Yeah, that's you vatsala. :))
5. Bujji (Sumalatha)
6. Janani

Phew. That's over then.

It's a tough game

2008-12-17T21:53:00.000+05:30

I've been going to tennis class for the past three weeks. And have made absolutely no headway. I can play the rally and the volley with some semblance of competence, but when it comes to receiving a fast serve, I come up a cropper. This is because when playing otherwise, the ball bounces and sort of sits up to be hit and all you have to do is to sprint and position yourself and roll the racket over the ball. Running is not a problem. Run Forrest, run! is the sort of running that I do. However, when it comes to receiving a serve, the ball sort of tends to skid on towards you. The exact sort of delivery that you'd love to receive while opening the batting. This however, is not cricket, but a far more profound game with much deeper ramifications. For a change, it is nice to play a game without having to dress up like an astronaut. Cricket still is my favourite game, but it does have it's limitations. I must learn to control the ball and place it over the net when receiving the serve. And also learn to stop charging towards the net at the start of the serve. It does you no good, especially if you don't want to be carried away on a stretcher.

Um, I've so far been avoiding the subject of the actual service. No one knows how to make the perfect serve. In fact no one knows what the perfect serve in the first place really is! People are divided in their opinion. Perfectly sane people make completely insane remarks when asked to describe the perfect serve. Why, my own good friend Raja Deepak once launched into deep reminiscences about tackling a thrashing alligator in the course of serving an ace.

In essence, it is simple. You throw the ball up, hit it as hard as you can, score the point, walk over to the other corner and serve again till you get the game. However, when our coach first started explaining the dynamics behind the serve, most people left the court as a quivering mass of transparent green jelly. I mean, who can all at once stand with the feet spread apart so that it traces the top and bottom strokes of the number 1 (Who knew it had so many strokes in the first place?), hold the ball lightly in your non-throwing arm, bring it around in a semi-circle, throw it straight up so that you can point at it with your left hand, throw your shoulder backwards, ensure the ball travels at least above the height of the tip of your racket held straight up while standing upright, wait for the ball to come down, and then smack it hard, aiming at that small piece of real-estate so far away? In any case, my coach reckons we'd be good to go if we can put in 5 out of every ten serves because we're allowed two attempts to get each serve right. I can only do three or four at the most.

I've realised a lot also depends on who you are playing the game with. You don't want to play with copper mandaiyan because all he does is to make desperate attempts to take out his own eye. It does absolutely no good for your game. You should also avoid playing with the huge guy with tattooed arms not because he is a great player, but because he has the tendency to hit the ball out of the court and into the marshes, and given that the muscular tattooed ones have the tendency to boss over the puny, non-muscular, un-tattooed ones, you know on whom the onus of retrieving the astray ball falls.

Road Rash!

2008-10-27T12:03:00.000+05:30

Sunday, October 12, 2008. My dad and his friend were barreling down GST road at above a 100 kmph in a Toyota corolla. In an attempt to overtake a slow vehicle, my dad's friend cut to the right a bit to change lanes. But the problem was that it'd been raining for a bit, and the front right wheel skid on the water, locked up, and veered down the road and into a ditch. It then proceeded on a rendezvous with a fallen tree, which it met head on.

The car now went through a short period of self doubt as to whether to keep the rubber side downwards or not, and consequently did a triple somersault and ultimately did end up right way up.

My dad and his friend both opened the doors and walked out. My dad came home with a stiff neck, and his friend scraped his fingers on bramble while getting out. That was the extent of their injuries.

The seat-belts saved them. The air-bags, however, failed to deploy. The car's body was damaged beyond recognition. However, internally, the only damage was to the air-conditioning. Someone managed to actually drive the car back to Chennai. My dad got a few photos of the car on his camera mobile.

Both my dad and his friend agree that the process of filing an FIR was more traumatic than the actual accident.

Nice

2008-10-16T22:20:00.000+05:30

Nice. She tells me 4 whole days after the incident. Very nice.

Hey!

2008-10-07T17:18:00.000+05:30

Hi. After some 18 years in existence (going by my blog's post dates :) ), two years actually, my blog at last reached a hit count of 10000. Of course, if you were to discount all the hits that I myself gave it, it'd be hard pressed to cross 3. And one of them was forced by me, so I have a statistical readership of exactly two people. Great! Yippee!

Technology always increases in leaps and bounds!

2008-09-05T22:48:00.000+05:30

Yeah, it does. Increase in leaps and bounds. New stuff are always on the way out! I mean, all these years I had heard of earphones. You could listen to music through them everyone said. That was fantastic. But now, suddenly, everyone's started talking about an eyephone! They say eyephone three-g! Now what is that? Some form of street cricket? I mean, when you hit the ball at the leg side wall, you were granted two runs. That was called two-g. Now you have this three-g that you score using an eyephone! So, talking about this eyephone, what does it do? Given that the earphone played sounds into your ear, the eyephone must do what? Flash lights into your eye or something? Help you look without spectacles? Display maps of the areas you are in? Scroll news? Flash addresses and telephone numbers of members of the opposite sex? Possible that all this and more can be done! Technology really is increasing in leaps and bounds no? After all, till a few years ago, you could only write with pens. These days everyone seems to be going on about how beautifully their pen drives!

The door-bell rings...

2008-07-12T22:17:00.000+05:30

As the title suggested, the door bell rang. The compound gate had earlier creaked open and I knew people were coming in. But then I was hoping that they'd go right around the side of the house to visit the tenants that lived upstairs. But then the doorbell rang here, logic dictated that they were guests for us. I drearily raise myself from somewhere in the deep recesses of the sofa that from ages of having people plonk themselves on it ended up having deep recesses in the first place.

You open the door to find a twice removed cousin and his family grinning at you. Forcing the muscles of your face into a semblance of a smile, you beckon them in with words of (what you hope are) welcome. You frantically phone your mom who has gone out to gossip with the local maamis about the price of the potato and tell her to rush back home ASAP. Then you wade through a stream of curses to wake up your dad, who once awake, gets the point soon enough and rushes out to greet them.

In such encounters, it is advisable to always leave the TV on. However, the volume is turned down to a ultra-low level so as to not disturb the conversation, which proceeds like so:
"So, you are a mechanical engineer now? Why didn't you take Computer Science or IT, which has better scope?"
"I am a Computer Science Engineer (technically of course)".
"You must be hunting for a job now I suppose".
"No, I already got one. Am waiting for their call".
"Oh Software company ah?"
"Yes."
"Very good", says the wife.
"Software is an unstable job. These days they fire without reason. It will all end in a few years, why did you take computer science?", says the husband.
I smile, but I am internally banging my head.

Experts in the art of small talk all expound on the importance of the muted TV. When the conversation becomes too tough to maintain, you gracefully withdraw yourself from it and abstractedly gaze at the TV screen. You pretend you have a mild interest in watching Federer thrash some player whose name is full of adjacent Ds, Js, Ys, Ks, and an apostrophe thrown in for good measure. Imagine going around with an apostrophe in your name. Anyway, you gracefully watch the tennis match on the screen and let others develop the conversation.

However, you soon realize your opinion is expected because conversation has swung around to the tennis match. Too many people have withdrawn 'gracefully' from the lead converser's extempore on the political situation in Zimbabwe. Not to be outdone, he swings matters from Robert Mugabe to Mahesh Bhupathi in the same breath and asks me about whether so-and-so seeded so-and-so will make a wild card entry to so-and-so round in the so-and-yawn. You realize you need to say something to avoid embarrassing yourself, because you've been so graceful in withdrawing from the conversation that everyone's assumed you're an ardent fan of lawn tennis. I start to mumble something about so-and-so's back-hand not coming good about which I thought I heard someone say... Federer serves a particularly vicious ace to which the apostrophe exhibits all the reactions of a cement pillar. You take the opportunity to look at the screen and let your answer trail into thinness.

The man then jumps through a warp hole from Wimbledon to whether the 3G system for mobile phones will get implemented in India or not. You look up in surprise. Thank god you listened to pilpa expound on 3G when she did. For the first time conversing about a known subject, you realize the guy's barking his head off. You go on to say a bit about mobile phone portability and everyone looks at you with wonder. Wow, this boy knows so much they think.

Federer wins the match to accompanying celebrations and the conversation swings back to tennis. Wanting to grab back the he-knows-a-lot position from me, he asks me a strategic question designed to put wonder into people's minds. "Do you know when the final of Wimbledon is held?"
"It is held after all the other matches are over", I reply.
With a you-can't-get-away-with-that-young-man smirk, he asks, "No, tell me what date is the final held on?"
Put off, I say I don't know. Who the hell knows what date the coming Sunday is?
With a triumphant smile he announces that all Wimbledon matches are held on July 7th. "Always! He cries with a thump on the table for effect. That is the culture of Wimbledon. The final is always held on the 7th of July regardless of whatever happens in the other matches!". He sits back with a triumphant smile. I don't have the heart to tell him that Wimbledon is always scheduled to end on the first Sunday of July.

Small talk having been completed to heart's content, the true purpose of the visit reveals itself. After a little few No, no, not at all neededs and Please, please, you shouldn't say nos and some secretive husband-wife gesturings (among both parties), the process ends. Everyone is relieved and they drink up their now cold coffee. Having no further need to make small talk, the visitors decide to bid farewell. The bread-winner kick-starts the bike, and the sincere wife gets on behind him. The three-year-old son gets in front of his dad, proudly holding one of my (or my brother's) old abandoned toys. With one last snippet about the political situation in west bank, they speed off.

Zenni Opticals

2008-07-09T21:46:00.000+05:30

I wear spectacles. Very often, I find that I am unable to find the exact frame, or size or specification for the glasses that I think will suit my face-cut. So, I wondered if there was any online website that would help me out in ordering the best choice from home, and wonder of wonders, there is a website! zennioptical.com is a website that does precisely this.

Memory Deal

2008-07-03T20:28:00.000+05:30

In many businesses and households, computers, as they tend to do, rapidly become obsolete. One can put off buying new ones by upgrading the memory, a.k.a. RAM. Many computer retailers will recommend compatible memory upgrades, but only by using the same exact memory as that originally installed can optimal performance be assured. It is said that Memory Deal is the first and only online store offering customers genuine factory original memory modules for each and every memory upgrade. In Memory Deal you can find some good products like DDR PC2700 Memory, that makes a huge difference to your computer, and the Add IMAC Memory. Agreed, Adding Computer Ram makes a computer faster, but, one has to be careful while adding RAM to not exceed compatibility. For example, if Dell builds a computer, it uses a particular brand, size and level of RAM. By making sure it provides customers with the very same RAM module, Memory Deal can rightfully claim to be striving for the very same quality assurance Dell intended when it built the computer. Memory Deal is a new online memory product provider with a single unique focus - to provide customers the exact same RAM modules computer OEMs install at the factory. Doubling the memory of most computers can often be done for less than $100 per machine, staving off for another year or so the need to purchase the newest computer models. But adding memory can lead to problems if the wrong kind of RAM or size of memory module is used, and there are numerous options. These problems can be compounded, and become very expensive, when purchasing memory upgrades for entire IT departments, government offices, schools and corporate offices.

Of Economics and Economists

2008-06-24T00:29:00.000+05:30

Arun M: Where does the bloody money in the world come from? Trade?.. ..What is the source of all money?

Prashanth: Countries like India have a fiscal deficit, wherein the value of internal reform measures goes over the total income. In that case, some kind of cess has to be established.

Gandhi the IT Professional

2008-06-22T20:43:00.000+05:30

Have you heard of the Hogwarts Express? You probably have read about it. But have you heard about the Infy Express? Now you will.

I went to send off Vinod who was going to join Infosys at Mysore for work last night. Along with me came seven other people. Nice show of friendship and solidarity that seven people go to send off one bugger, I thought. As things turned out, most of the people who were going on that train were to go to Infosys. The whole platform was a swarming mass of young people smiling, giggling, guffawing, slapping each other on the backs, introducing parents, grand-parents, uncles, aunts, twice removed cousins, and couples retreating into shadowy corners. Vinod being the popular person that he is, drew a large crowd of people (mostly female) from his college, and everyone was vying to get his attention. I also saw Marc, who was supposed to go, but wasn't, Karthik, who didn't want to go, but was, and a few other people who wanted to go, and were.

After the name lists were put up, we saw much to our amusement and Vinod's enthusiasm that his seat was surrounded by a gang of young girls. It was squashed however, when it turned out to be a large family, one of whom called to her brother and said, "Bhayya, ek ladka..". Then someone told someone else something, to which someone else responded with something else, and ran away. Ah, such are the vagaries in the course of life. We went up and down the compartments looking around, and Vinod V.N nearly fell over one female who was bending over, and later regretted actually not falling. Bunch of perverts hitting on females.

When the train started, everyone screamed their heads off, and Vinod leaned out of the train and waved and smiled in an awesome imitation of Gandhi embarking on one of his satyagrahas (or whatever). And then, we went back home.

Bah

2008-06-15T21:40:00.000+05:30

Nothing has happened in the past few days. Absolutely nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nil. Nothing, except for the fact that I went and dropped a cup of coffee all over my brand new copy of Inheritance of Loss, which I had shelled out hard earned money to get. Ah, damn.

Indie

2008-06-10T02:49:00.000+05:30

Now that there is the new Indiana Jones movie out and everyone is raving about the brilliant performance of 64 year old Harrison Ford, I thought I might watch the older Indiana Jones films first. I've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark already, and I caught up with Temple of Doom just now.

As usual Harrison Ford was brilliant. Also good were the heroine (Kate Capshaw) and Shorty, the kid (Jonathan Ke Quan). And Amrish Puri was spectacular too. In his introduction he was wearing a piece of massive head-gear and was unrecognizable, but in later scenes when he removes it, I realized who it was.

The whole film is set in India, and for most part talks about Hindu religious rituals. Of course, they got it all wrong, but then it's only a movie. Don't watch it if you are a Hindu and are offended by portrayals of your religion *yawn* in the wrong sense.

And the movie came out in 1984. So don't expect stunts matching Die Hard 4.0 or something. They are bound to be a little silly looking in this age of high class CG. A good movie, but somehow I thought I liked the previous one better.

Do watch. Tata.

Season's Greetings

2008-05-30T01:55:00.000+05:30

I went to college yesterday to get the course completion certificate. Of course, I got Raja to give me company. Typically, we had to get through layers of bureaucratic red-tape, and were delayed for three hours and ended up sitting on the stone benches under the trees. We found Arun there, who was trying to find a marksheet which was lost by our department.

The stone benches below the trees were our favourite haunts in college. Especially the first couple of ones when you come into college, go left, and take the first right. This is because these stone benches afford an uninterrupted view of the both the routes that one might take to the canteen and the mess, the way to the first-year block, the CSE classrooms, the ECE classrooms, the EEE classrooms, and was suitably hidden from anyone moving around the principal's office, the vice principal's office, and anyone important coming and going. Moreover, it afforded an excellent breeze, and one would always encounter a cool breeze blowing in from the sea.

Having spent the majority of college-hours on these benches and ogling at all female passersby (Praveen and Raja Deepak whistling and catcalling shamelessly) the stone bench became an irrevocable part of our lives. Sitting there now, we suddenly realised this might possibly be the last time we were sitting there, and we were suddenly gripped by a slight emotion. We were never going to sit there again! I never thought I would feel emotions of separation on leaving college, but here I was, almost feeling sad. Raja Deepak of course noticed none of this, and soon was stretched out fast asleep. Ah well, turns out there is one aspect of my college that I really am going to miss.

One a side note, Vinod and Marc from AIHT got their call letters from Infosys. They've got to join on June 23. Looks like I might get them soon too. This is way too early! I want more holidays. Don't call me before Independence Day this year! And jeez, looks like I'll be adding a new label called 'work' starting this post. My God! I am going to work!

My Take

2008-05-27T20:54:00.000+05:30

A lot has been said about the dress (or lack of it) of the cheerleaders of various teams in the IPL, but here's my take on the whole issue.

I personally think these cheerleaders are some of the most fittest women around. (I arrived at this decision after careful observation of course :D ). Our women should take a leaf out their books and exercise. This will reduce chances of osteoporosis and other related diseases later in life.

One doesn't want to end up dependent on calcium sandoz.